My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
