I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
