a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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