So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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