i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
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We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
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I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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