how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
