yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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