Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
