Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
