Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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