Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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