he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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