she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
