I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
