I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
