I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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