I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
