My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
