i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
