There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
