god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
nutella sex= disaster
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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