You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
