im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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