and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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