Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
