she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
