FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
