Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.