I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
