My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
