I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
