okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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