just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ladies don't puke and tell
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
