I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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