Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
