If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
