Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
