Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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