it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
