totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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