btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
