1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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