So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
