You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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