I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
