my cup is half full, half full of rum.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
