And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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