So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
