I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
