can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
