I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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