his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
