Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
