I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
