He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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