So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
