Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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