Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
