He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
