in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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