I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
