let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
