so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
